That's right, ladies & gents. This gal has a YouTube channel. If we could all just ignore the first two posts of absolutely, terrible footage from my high school days (my mom mad me do it), and instead, support my decision to create something that is all my own, then THAT WOULD BE GREAT!
I'm headed to our film premiere for Wonderkind tonight and plan to film that experience. Should be cool. Wish me luck!
And please subscribe! If you want. ;)
SORRY ABOUT MY SOAP BOX ON TUESDAY, I JUST HAVE SOME STUFF TO SORT THROUGH.
Something not so serious as all the growing up and difficult issues in life: Sleeves. I am constantly pinning gorgeous sleeves! And no one can stop me! No, lady, staring at my bodaciously covered upper arms - not even you. It's like a timeless statement of "I know what the heck fashion is". I mean, I am daydreaming of them. The different shapes, textures, prints- and they way they so gracefully fall- or keep their structure! Sure, my husband doesn't understand the St. John blouse with its frighteningly 80's-esque bubble sleeves I just purchased at a consignment store...but they are so elegant, bold, and sexy. So different. So unique. Ok, Ok. Yes, of course, this has been done before. Fashion repeats itself. It's hard to be original. I can picture Shakespeare's bubble sleeves and that one Napolean Dynamite dance scene..."I like your sleeves".
If that was the only compliment someone gave me on a rockin', sleevey day, well heck, I would grin from sleeve to sleeve.
Lately I have been feeling really discouraged. To most, I have no reason to complain in life. I'm undoubtedly happily married- to the best man I know, I have a roof over my head, I have a great-gas saving- new car, we can pay our bills, my family is alive and well, I have several friends whom I trust with anything...
And yet I have this void. A re-occurring void that makes its presence known when I feel just low enough for it to consume me like a tidal wave. That's a little dramatic but it's the way that it feels. My life right now is one big question. What do I want to do with it? Where do I want to be in the future? What type of career do I want to create for myself? The answer is "I don't know". I feel inadequate. For my entire life I have always wanted to be an actress. I used to pride myself in knowing that would one day be my title. I never thought any less. I knew it was going to happen for me. It was this unwavering idea that I would eventually be a working actress on a sit-com or the best friend in a comedy film. I've "strived" towards it but ultimately life gets me so down in the ground that I am face planting with dirt. My passion for acting hasn't gone away; it still haunts me. It haunts me because I don't see that in my future anymore and I feel failure from it.
There isn't any preparation for this season of life. And while I could suck it up, roll off my pity wagon and work with what I have, it's the feeling of failure that keeps me down. I'm sure it will pass. But I find myself in a constant state of crying out to God asking Him to show me what I should be doing. I'm not sure if I will end up working in an office for the rest of my life, growing in the fashion industry, or fulfilling my ultimate dream of creating and being and acting on set everyday. I pray for the latter.
But the world is telling me no and it's really hard to ignore.
I'm Alyssa, thanks for stopping by! A few things: I enjoy laughing, making youtube videos and thrift shopping. Currently listening to "Last Night" by The Strokes. I like my coffee black and my preferred method of maxin' & relaxin' is with my husband and pup.